


Burn the Land and Boil the Sea

by barbitone



Series: Voltron Fanfiction [41]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Dark, Firefly AU, M/M, Prostitution, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 17:07:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18480613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbitone/pseuds/barbitone
Summary: Sendak gets what he wants.





	Burn the Land and Boil the Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the warnings!

 

* * *

 

“That’s cheating!” Lotor said with a laugh when he noticed that Kova had made himself comfortable on the shelf behind him, where he had full view of his cards.

Narti grinned and shrugged, and when she lay down another winning hand Lotor tossed his cards down.

“Alright, we’re not playing this anymore. Checkers?”

Narti laughed silently and then she froze, the cards slipping out of her hands.

“What is it?” Lotor asked in alarm, reaching out to set his hand over hers.

_Alliance._

“You need to hide,” he said.

_No, Lotor-_

“Go,” Lotor hissed, pushing her away.

“Buckle up, everyone,” Keith announced over the intercom. “We’ve got an Alliance cruiser on our tail. Prepare to be boarded.”

Lotor gave Narti another push before straightening his hair and clothes and adjusting his jewelry so that he looked perfectly presentable. As a registered Companion he was technically the most respectable person on the Black Lion. Usually just being around was enough to avoid any awkward questions or worse- a search and seizure of their cargo.

The others were already in the hold when he made his way down. Shiro didn’t seem concerned as he directed Zethrid in pulling crates out of their holding areas.

“Let’s make it look like we ain’t got nothing to hide,” he said as he opened another panel and started unloading while Pidge helped him. Ezor seemed nervous- she had a bounty on her head though technically not in this sector- but she calmed when Zethrid pulled her into a gentle kiss.

“Have they said what they wanted?” Lotor asked.

“No,” Shiro said. “But we’ll be fine.” The ship shook a little as it docked with the cruiser and Lotor took a few deep breaths. “The guy on the line said it was an inspection. We’ve had our fair share of inspections, it’s fine.”

“The _guy_ on the line,” Lotor echoed with a smile. “They generally prefer when you use their full title, Shiro.”

He waved his hand vaguely. “Lieutenant Hex, or Haxi, or-”

“Haxus,” Lotor whispered, his blood running cold.

“Yeah,” Shiro said. He looked up and stiffened at Lotor’s expression. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“That’s Sendak’s ship.”

“What-?” Zethrid exclaimed, but the door was already opening and Sendak was walking in, flanked by a dozen soldiers.

Lotor would have taken a step back but he felt frozen, rooted to the spot. There was a faint buzzing in his ears but by now the Companion’s mask of polite pleasantness was second nature. He smiled blandly and stepped forward.

“Commander Sendak,” he said with a small nod. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”

Sendak smirked as he came towards him, ignoring everyone else.

“I’m here for you, Lotor,” Sendak said and held out a sealed envelope. Lotor reached out to take it only for Sendak to grab his wrist and close a thin metal band over it.

“Don’t _touch_ him,” Shiro hissed, stepping forward, but Sendak had already let him go.

“What is this?” Lotor asked. He already knew.

“A tracker, to make sure you don’t run off on me,” Sendak said. “Consider it a gift, Lotor. I could take you now, but I’m not a cruel man. You have a week to set your affairs in order, and then I expect you to be home in time for dinner.” He smirked one last time before leaving, his soldiers following behind him.

Lotor felt frozen as he watched them go. Everything felt oddly quiet, all he heard was the faint buzzing in his ears. He was still holding the envelope. It was sealed with golden wax, bearing the mark of the Companion’s Guild.

He broke the seal slowly, his fingers trembling as he unfolded the paper.

“What is it?” Shiro asked.

“A bill of sale,” Lotor said numbly. The words blurred before his eyes but he could still see it was complete, official, and binding. The bottom bore three signatures- Sendak’s, Lady Haggar’s, and his own. “This isn’t my signature,” he said. “This isn’t- this can’t be-”

His knees buckled but Shiro kept him from falling with an arm wrapped around his waist. Ezor took the paper out of Lotor’s slack grip as Shiro helped him sit down on the nearest crate.

“If it’s a forgery it’s a damn good one,” Ezor muttered. “It’s got your fingerprint, your biosignature-”

“This is _tsway-niou!”_ Zethrid hissed.

“It’s a mistake,” Shiro said firmly. “It’s- it’s- he can’t do this.”

Lotor raised his trembling hand to his lips, closing his eyes as he fought to catch his breath.

“It’s going to be alright, sweetheart,” Shiro whispered. “It’s- you’re not going back to him, not ever. Do you understand me?”

Lotor pulled away from him and stood. “I need to get to the guild. I need to speak with Lady Haggar.”

“Of course,” Shiro said. “It’s all a mistake, or- or some kind of trick. It’ll be alright, you’ll see.”

“Yes,” Lotor said. “You’re right. It’s all just some terrible mistake.”

 

* * *

 

For once, striding through the familiar halls of the guild brought him no comfort, the pleasant weather brought him no joy. One side of the hall was a marble wall, marked by regular niches that bore elegant busts of notable Companions of the past. The other side of the hall was made up of airy columns and sheer lace curtains, billowing gently in the pleasantly warm breeze. Everything was a crisp pure white, all but the Companions drifting past in rich jewel tones like flowers floating down a cool stream.

They seemed so happy, so excited to be in training, or visiting home, or even just enjoying the sunshine. A few of them greeted him as he passed but he ignored them, too focused on his goal. He waited calmly for his audience with Lady Haggar, kneeling on a cushion in her airy solarium with his hands folded politely in his lap. When the door finally opened he rose to his feet with all the elegance he’d been trained to display. She looked at him in approval as he walked past her into her study.

He had little attention to spare for the rich surroundings, it was all he could do not to scream while she sat at a low coffee table in the middle of the room.

“Would you care for some tea?” she asked, her voice low and sweet.

“Thank you, Lady Haggar,” he murmured politely.

“What brings you here, child?” she asked after handing him a cup.

She knew. She had to know.

“I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake, my Lady,” Lotor murmured, his eyes downcast politely as he slid the bill of sale to her over the table.

She took it carefully, reading through it for what seemed like ages before folding it up again and taking a delicate sip of tea. “A mistake? I don’t believe so. The paperwork seems in order.”

Lotor exhaled sharply, setting down his cup harder than he should have. “I didn’t agree to this,” he said, his voice shaking. “That isn’t my signature.”

“Oh you poor sweet thing,” she said, smiling at him like he was some pathetic fool.

“That isn’t my signature!” he exclaimed, fighting to keep his voice low. “You can’t just sell me off, that goes against guild law-”

“Settle down, Lotor,” she said sharply. “Need I remind you- _I_ make the law around here. Besides, you signed your life over to us when you first joined the guild-”

“I was a child!” he hissed. “That can’t possibly hold up in-”

“Where?” she asked with a laugh. “Court? Don’t be a fool. The guild owns you. We gave you a home and a family, an education the likes of which most people in this sad little universe can’t even dream of. And now it’s time for you to pay back your debt.

“Commander Sendak is a powerful man who can cause us quite a bit of trouble. It’s unfortunate, but the calculation here is clear. What is one Companion, compared to the wellbeing of the entire guild?”

“You can’t do this!” Lotor cried out, jerking to his feet.

“I already did,” she said calmly.

“I’ll- I’ll- I’ll take this up with the Alliance Council,” Lotor said, “with the papers, the- the courts. I’ll expose this- _you._ Slavery isn’t allowed on Core planets and that’s exactly what this is-”

“Oh dear,” she said with a sigh. “It’s hardly slavery if you choose it for yourself. You can take it up with whoever you’d like, but the contract is legal and binding. Now cease these histrionics before I have you removed.”

Lotor stared at her, breathing harshly. That couldn’t be all there was. That couldn’t be it. “I’ll find a way out of this, Haggar. You can’t do this to me.”

“The only way out is death, child. But I’d advise against that.” She took another sip of tea, as casual as though they were discussing the weather. “If you kill yourself Commander Sendak would be well within his rights to sue the guild for damages, and that would put a serious dent in our coffers. You wouldn’t want your fellow Companions to suffer, would you?”

Lotor scowled, tightening his hands into fists. She watched him cooly and finally he turned on his heel and stormed away, back to his shuttle.

What were his options, really?

He could run, but with the tracking bracelet Sendak would always find him. Maybe he could find some planet with unstable magnetic fields to disrupt the signal, but how long could he hide there before he grew ill and eventually died?

He made it back to his shuttle and sat at his coffee table. There was still one other thing he could do. Unthinkable, at other times. But now it was unthinkable not to.

Lotor retrieved his sword and activated the energy blade, bringing it up to his hand. This close to his skin it felt painfully hot and he watched numbly for a moment as his skin grew red and began to blister.

And then he brought the blade down on his wrist.

There was a sharp spike of pain and a flash of light and Lotor found himself lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. He blinked slowly and brought his hand up to his face. He was intact, and so was the bracelet.

So that was it then.

Lotor curled up into himself and started to laugh. Slowly the laughter turned to tears and then he was weeping alone in his shuttle.

That was it, then.

That was it.

 

* * *

 

He made sure he was presentable by the time he docked in the Black Lion and exited his shuttle just in time for dinner.

“What happened?” Shiro asked, jerking to his feet when he saw Lotor walking into the mess hall. “How did it go?”

“It went well,” Lotor said with a smile. “It was just as you said- a mistake. It’s all taken care of now.”

Shiro laughed and pulled Lotor into a tight hug. “Of course,” he whispered. “Of course it was. Thank all the Gods. Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Lotor said as he moved to sit at the table, as far away from Narti as possible. One accidental touch could show her his thoughts and ruin everything. He ate and let the talk of the Black Lion crew wash over him, memorizing the way Shiro smiled, the way Pidge always had some curse word on the tip of her tongue, the way Keith responded to Zethrid’s teasing with dry sarcastic quips.

Lotor soaked up the way Kova purred in Narti’s lap and the loving way Ezor looked up at Zethrid, like she was something precious. He’d miss everything about this- the warmth, the humming of the engine nearby, even the bland ration packs and slightly stale water. Most of all he’d miss Shiro- the way he laughed, and smelled, and talked, the way he looked at Lotor, touched him.

He stood up before the meal was finished, on the verge of tears. It was taking everything in him to hold them back and keep a straight face.

“Alright?” Shiro asked sharply.

“Fine,” Lotor managed. “Just a bit tired, after all that.”

“I’ll walk you to your shuttle,” Shiro said.

“There’s really no need,” Lotor said with a smile, but Shiro was already standing.

“It’s no trouble.”

Lotor nodded. It was foolish but he wanted to soak up these last moments as much as he could. Shiro walked close beside him, and then he set his flesh hand on Lotor’s lower back and he couldn’t hold back a shiver.

It was over too soon- the walk, his time here, his freedom. His life.

Shiro hesitated, like maybe he could sense something was wrong. “Do you want-” he asked, only to stop and swallow loudly. “I could stay tonight,” he whispered. “I could stay with you.”

“Thank you, Shiro,” Lotor said, “but I’m exhausted. I’d prefer to be alone.”

“Sure, alright,” Shiro said, forcing a small smile. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Yes,” Lotor said. “In the morning. Good night, _baobei.”_ He leaned in to press a soft kiss to the corner of Shiro’s mouth before turning away.

 

* * *

 

Instead of sleeping Lotor gathered all his jewelry and other valuables into a small case and set it outside his shuttle. He wouldn’t need them anymore, but maybe the crew of the Black Lion could sell them and put the money to good use. Pidge had been complaining about needing a new compressor coil for weeks now, and Zethrid had been wanting upgraded body armor. Beyond that- they needed supplies, clothing, ammunition. So many things that were so hard to come by living as they did- on the edge of a knife.

He had two days still before he had to report to Sendak, but it would take at least a day to reach Bellerophon Estates, barring any accidents. Beyond that… what was the point of stalling? It wasn’t like he could enjoy the last day while he had the headsman's axe looming over him. No- it was best to simply get it over with.

Sendak greeted him outside the manor. “You’re early,” he said, sounding pleased.

“Yes,” Lotor said with a smile. “What would I gain from stalling? I’m yours now. You win, Sendak.”

“You know how I like you to call me.”

“Apologies, my love,” Lotor said.

Sendak seemed suspicious but there was still a smile playing over his lips. “I didn’t expect you to be so… agreeable. It’s a pleasant surprise.”

“This is my life now,” Lotor said. “Why would I make any of this more difficult than it needs to be?”

“An admirable sentiment,” Sendak said. “Now, would you like to retrieve any of your things from your shuttle before I have it disposed of?”

“No, my love,” Lotor said. “I’m sure you’ll provide me with everything I’ll need.”

Sendak smiled wider. “Come along then,” he said, offering his arm.

Lotor took it and followed him inside. He was familiar with the manor, of course. But it would be different now that he’d be living here. Sendak gave him the grand tour, explaining where everything was, where he was and wasn’t allowed to go. Eventually they ended up in the bedroom and Lotor raised his hands to the fastenings of his robes.

“Stop that,” Sendak said, moving to still Lotor’s hands.

“Don’t you want me, my love?” Lotor asked. “Isn’t that what I’m here for?”

“I’m not a monster,” Sendak said with a frown. “I’m not going to force myself on you. I know you don’t want this, not yet. I’m willing to give you time to settle in, to get used to your new life. It won’t be as awful as you must think. I do love you, truly.”

Lotor couldn’t help his mask slipping at that. “You hit me, Sendak. You found a way to take me against my will.”

“That was your own fault,” Sendak said, his frown deepening. “You drove me to it, coming in here with your- your- schemes and thieves, your insults. But all that is over now. I’ll be as sweet to you as you are to me.”

“I see,” Lotor said, looking down. “How generous.”

“I’m a generous man.” Sendak took him by the chin to raise his face up, scanning his features. He must have been pleased with what he saw, because he smiled and stepped back. “Dinner is in an hour. Feel free to join me, or take it in private. As you like.”

“Thank you, my love.”

 

* * *

 

Lotor found himself drifting through the manor, lost and unsettled. Sendak was the only living thing beside him in the entire place, the rest of the servants were robotic sentries. The manor and grounds were beautiful, the food was delicious, the clothing Sendak gave him was comfortable and luxurious. Lotor couldn’t find joy in any of it. Still, he smiled whenever Sendak was around and acted the part that was expected of him.

Finally he deemed that he’d waited long enough- a week. It was a believable enough time frame for him to grow comfortable and somewhat bored, not so long that Sendak would grow restless, not so short that he would be suspicious.

Lotor dressed in Sendak’s favorite lingerie and a rich silk robe before slipping into Sendak’s bedroom.

“Lotor,” Sendak said, looking up in surprise.

“Yes, my love,” Lotor said, walking closer. He pushed into Sendak’s space, his arms, and tilted his face up for a kiss.

When Sendak kissed him he moaned and leaned into it, needy for contact, for anything.

“Really,” Sendak murmured, pulling back. “That easy?”

“What else am I to do?” Lotor asked, pushing Sendak gently backwards towards the bed. “What is my alternative? There’s no escape, no one coming for me, waiting for me. I’m a realist, and I know my place. Did you really think I’d fight you to both our detriment? No. I know it’s over. You’ve won and I’m here and I’m so _lonely_ , Sendak. Please- please- I’m aching for you, for anything.”

“I’ll take care of you,” Sendak said. “Come here.”

He pulled Lotor in for a kiss before tumbling him into the sheets. Lotor gasped at the feeling of it- at being pressed into the sheets with purpose and desire.

“This is all I ever wanted,” Sendak murmured as he pressed hot kisses down Lotor’s neck. “You- your desire- _honesty.”_

“I’m sorry I made it so difficult,” Lotor whispered, even as he arched up against Sendak’s thick thigh pushing between his own. “Please- I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Sendak said with a smile as he looked up. “Everything is forgiven now.”

“Thank you,” Lotor breathed out. “Thank you, my love.”

“Are you sure you wish to continue? We don’t have to-”

“Please-” Lotor said desperately. “I want you. Please- I want to ride you, your cock. Will you let me?”

Sendak chuckled, low and dark. “Yes,” he said with grin, shifting to lie down on the sheets.

Lotor moved to sit astride him and kissed him passionately as he reached for the dagger he’d hidden in his sleeve. Sendak was distracted so it was easy enough to pull it out, to press it to his neck-

 _“Lotor-!”_ Sendak hissed in anger.

“Yes, my love?” Lotor asked, letting his face fall back into blankness.

“You’d kill me?” Sendak asked with a laugh. “Really?”

Lotor stared down at him coldly and something in Sendak’s expression shifted, his eyes widening in fear.

“If you kill me your life is over- do you understand? Over!”

Lotor tilted his head to the side. “You’ve already taken everything that made my life worth living,” he said quietly. “I was a dead man as soon as I stepped onto your property, my love.”

As he pressed down with the knife Sendak fought him, leaving deep gouges in his face, his chest. He flipped them over even as Lotor slit his throat, even as blood spilled down on him, dripping into his hair, his mouth.

Soon enough it was over and Sendak was just a dead weight pressing him into the sheets. Lotor waited for his twitching to still and then he moved, forcing himself out from underneath the corpse.

He took the blade and a bottle of whiskey with him into the restroom, staring numbly as he filled the bath and got undressed.

Sendak’s manor was staffed by robotic servants. How long would it take for them to discover what he’d done? How long until they summoned the Alliance and Lotor was taken away?

He knew too much about Narti, Ezor, _Shiro._

They’d question him, torture him. He wasn’t fool enough to think he could withstand it all. He wasn’t fool enough to think he could make it past this. He’d been honest when he’d said his life was over. It had been over as soon as he’d bid Shiro good night.

He slid into the bath, the blood flowing from the gouges Sendak had left turning the water pink. It wouldn’t be enough, so he opened the veins on his left wrist and dropped it into the water. He needed the other hand to drink and he smiled as he sank deeper into the warm bath.

He’d had a fine enough life, overall. He’d had real love, real family. It would have been nice if it had lasted longer, but it had still been more than he’d ever hoped for.

He sighed, taking another swig of whiskey as his vision grew dark. This was fine, a fine enough way to go. He wasn’t a thing to be bought and sold, to be owned and used. He’d shown them, all of them.

He was free.

 

* * *

 

Lotor woke slowly to see he was in some medbay. His wounds were bandaged and his wrists shackled to the bed.

Of course.

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.

At some other time he may have wept, but he was empty now. He was already dead, despite what his body believed.

They let him recover for a while before bringing him in for questioning. They were gentle with him at first, sending in an officer that spoke softly as he asked his questions. Lotor stayed silent through it all so their methods got harsher. There were interrogations, beatings, drugs. They cut off his hair as though that would be the thing to break him when nothing else had. It didn’t matter, Lotor floated somewhere outside it all, outside his body as they made their demands. It was surprisingly easy to stay silent. He was already finished, he had nothing left to say.

He didn’t feel fear. They’d tire of him soon enough, and then they’d let him go at last. He simply waited for it to be over.

They put him on trial in some secret underground chamber and he was only vaguely aware of it.

Lady Haggar was there, arguing that he wasn’t in his right mind, that he should be put in some facility so he could _recover._ At another time the thought would have been horrific, but now it didn’t matter.

They could do whatever they wanted to him. He didn’t care. None of it mattered any longer.

Eventually they came to the conclusion that he should be executed and it was a relief. Finally- he was getting what he wanted. Finally, it would be over.

Two guards took him away, holding him tightly by the upper arms.

Lotor didn’t notice any of it. All he could do was put one foot in front of the other. There was a faint voice screaming inside him, screaming for justice, for fairness, for a _chance._ He was human, wasn’t he? Didn’t he deserve to live, to be free? Didn’t he deserve to write his own fate?

He’d tried, so hard. But nothing he did was ever quite right, nothing ever seemed to go how it was supposed to.

Some small left-over spark of life and despair had him sobbing as they took him to the execution chamber. It didn’t matter anymore and he let his body grow slack, his steps faltering at last.

One of the guards tightened his grip to keep him standing and leaned close to whisper into his ear.

“Easy- I’ve got you now, sweetheart.”

 

 

_fin._

 

**Author's Note:**

> tsway-niou- bullcrap  
> Baobei - term of affection, meaning something treasured or precious. Someone who is much loved and valued.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [barbitone](http://barbitone.tumblr.com/) and pillowfort also at [barbitone](https://www.pillowfort.io/barbitone)


End file.
